Kathy Sebright

Writer. Speaker. Believer. Runner. Truth Enthusiast.

The Book of Secrets – a scared author’s memoir

5 Comments

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The sky is blue and the air is warm. It blows in through the sheer bedroom curtain as I click the keys furiously. I am alive and well. I am happy and content. But I am also scared and unsure of myself. My book will be out in less than four weeks. This is big. Like REALLY big. This is something I’ve wanted to do my entire life. A dream that I’ve carried around with me ever since I could hold a pencil and write more than just my name. It’s more than I could have ever hoped for.

I’m standing on the edge of that cliff, on the cusp of jumping over, and I hesitate. What am I doing? What on earth am I doing?

It has been seven months since I have published a post. Seven. I could make excuses, but why bother? As I’ve stumbled through the editing and formatting process and attempted to learn as I went, it’s been undoubtedly slow. It’s taken up most of my free time and zapped all creative energy from my brain. With every misplaced comma, incorrect tense, and each capitalized word in quotation marks, the words in my head fell farther and farther away from me. I forgot that I actually enjoy writing. I got focused. Too focused. I wanted to make the book perfect. I HAD to make it perfect. I couldn’t do anything else until I got it just the way I wanted it. That would make me feel better. Or so I thought.

I sit here today in front of my laptop. I should be working. There are people to contact, facts to go over, last minute things to check, bottom lines to look at, and more. I’m bored with it though.

What am I doing? I am telling the truth. The whole truth. The bits and pieces that I have buried like treasure for safekeeping. I have built wall after wall around these secrets to keep others out. And just like that, I’m going to blast a hole in the wall for the entire world to see. Seriously? What on earth am I doing?

You see, I have secrets. Lots of secrets. For every word I share, there are twenty more lurking beneath my fingertips. For every devastating memory I bring to light, there are five more that I choose to keep in the darkness. I am publishing a book of secrets, things that my own family and friends don’t know about me. My final chapter – that’s the real deal. It’s the true test of my bravery. I wanted to take it out. I really wanted to take it out. I still do a little bit. But I can’t. It’s too important. It changes everything and there will be no going back. I have to tell the truth. There is no other way around it. I have to tell the truth. And I am scared and unsure of myself.2016-05-24 14.05.43

I stand on the edge of that cliff, on the cusp of jumping over, and I hesitate. It’s going to be okay Kathy. I close my eyes, take two steps forward, and free fall into the great unknown. Today, my book is finished.

5 thoughts on “The Book of Secrets – a scared author’s memoir

  1. I look so forward to reading your book. As I said you are true inspiration. I like you also wanted to write and live the dream of being able to do so, and I think that as with each truth we reveal about ourselves it is okay to be scared. You will be amazing Kathy and I am so proud of everything you have been able to do. Sending blessings and love to you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. this book is so powerful the line about a woman wanting to jump of a cliff, places the journey you have been through. You are so brave and again inspiring!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Woohoo!!! This journey has brought about a new, stronger, braver and more importantly much more honest Kathy and the wold will benefit from this. All of your labors are finally paying off and the moment you hold the real deal in your hands it will be a moment worth truly celebrating with glitter and all!

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  4. Oh how the tears are flowing, chills all over, and sheer excitement. You are such an amazing woman. Can’t wait to get my copy!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are an amazing woman and I admire your courage to completely open up about your experiences, fears and feelings. It is not something everyone can do. Like your fellow flowers, you are truly blossoming. I will be celebrating with you.

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